Why your feelings are helping not hindering you

Have you noticed that we value positive emotions more than negative? We are encouraged to ‘stay positive’. I agree that this is a state that we would love to be in most of the time. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were all naturally happy?

However, denying negative emotions and trying to squash them deep down inside is a little like throwing a white pristine rug over a pile of manure. It’s still there, making the place smelly.

Some of the outcomes include depression, panic attacks, violence (towards yourself or others) and one that I think is rarely discussed, emotional numbness. It can also create physical illness because of the stress that it adds to your body.

Life is about contrasts.  Light and dark. Day and night. Heavy and light. Life and death.  Positive and negative…..you get the picture.

I prefer to see feelings as information about our internal world. You really understand the value of joy if you have also experienced grief. We need both in our life to have a full life experience.

Feelings are the quickest and easiest way of knowing your expectations, needs and values are being met. When they are, you feel positive emotions and when they aren’t, then the negative emotions surface. For example, frustration, impatience, anger, judgement, sadness, anxiety, and so on.

Last week I shared with you 10 beliefs of resilient people. Resilient people accept negative feelings and they actively look to understand and grow from them. They also take full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

When you stop judging your feelings, they become a gift for personal growth and development. They support you to align more with your core values and needs, and help you look at your beliefs, thoughts intentions, expectations and behaviours.

Often, as adults, we respond unconsciously to the world around us based on what we learned in our childhood, from our experiences and from our parents. These now unconscious feelings, beliefs, thoughts and behaviours continue to drive our lives. I love to help my clients find those unconscious divers, when they have ‘a-ha moments’ that transform their lives. They feel emotionally lighter, more empowered, and able to face day-to-day issues with more confidence, clarity and resilience.

Embrace your feelings. Look at them differently, and they can become your biggest ally.

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