Do you have people in your life that you don’t see eye to eye with?

We all have them. We get consumed by the differences that we miss the common ground and opening ourselves up to understanding the others point of view. The challenge for us all is to do it without judgement, without expectation and with compassion and love.

Do you think I sound like a hippie yet?

The things is, we all have human needs, personal values and old wounds that we are protecting. So, when we change our intention from ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, to seeing the other person as someone who is also protecting their needs, their personal values and their own wounds, we immediate change from a perspective of defensiveness to understanding.

The late Marshall Rosenberg changed the way I see communication, with his process called Nonviolent Communication, also known as Compassionate Communication. This process is used every day to peacefully bring people together, in relationships, in classrooms, in businesses and even in war torn countries.

The process starts with the way you treat yourself. Understanding yourself, your needs, your feelings and treating yourself with compassion. It requires you to take responsibility for the way we treat yourself, so that you increase your awareness and responsibility in the way you relate with and treat with others.

The big picture assumptions that are embraced in Compassionate Communication by those who practice it include:

• As humans, we all have the same basic needs
• We are all trying to meet our needs
• Our feelings tell us if our needs are being met or not met
• Compassion is possible for everyone
• People can change
• People can choose
• Personal responsibility supports balance in relationships
• Self-connection and self-compassion lead us to peace

Practicing Compassionate Communication does not exclude you from having arguments, disagreements or being down on yourself. We all have bad days; when we have needed more sleep, we are worried about something, our tolerance levels are down because of too much to do or are overwhelmed.  We find ourselves snapping and getting frustrated and angry…….and here is where the process starts again.

Take the time to get to know your needs, to engage with your feelings, become aware of how you behave, and to take responsibility for how your respond to your self and to the world around you. Most importantly, be compassionate to yourself. Self-compassion is a pathway for you to have less stress, better relationships and create more peace in your life.